Searching For My Mystical Golden Horse

This post isn’t about grief and healing – it’s just something I needed to get out of my head. My thoughts began one way, and ended up in a different direction. Gotta love free writing. 

My own imaginary friend

The Nothing GirlHave you ever wished that you had an imaginary friend who would be there for you during your time of sadness? A friend who thought only about you; who cared only about you; whose only purpose was to support you, cheer you up, and guide you through the rough times and decision-making? I sure have. And honestly, I still do. Often, I find myself daydreaming of having an imaginary friend that will give me hugs when I need them, and pat me on the back when the need arises, and who would be there to say, “Eydie, you’re doing a great job with your life, I’m proud of you. Let’s see about changing up the way you’re handling (this) situation”. Or, “Eydie, I see that you’re struggling with (you name it). What if you tried doing it this way instead”.

Mystical golden horse

A few months ago, a good Facebook friend of mine, Shelli Proffitt Howells, wrote a review about a book titled, The Nothing Girl

Getting a life isn’t always easy. And hanging on to it is even harder…Known as “The Nothing Girl” because of her severe stutter and chronically low self-confidence, Jenny Dove is only just prevented from ending it all by the sudden appearance of Thomas, a mystical golden horse only she can see. Under his guidance, Jenny unexpectedly acquires a husband – the charming and chaotic Russell Checkland – and for her, nothing will ever be the same again. With overprotective relatives on one hand and the world’s most erratic spouse on the other, Jenny needs to become Someone. And fast!

Oh my, I thought, I could sure use a mystical golden horse in my life. Now… please don’t take this the wrong way. I’m not contemplating “ending it all”, but I could sure use some help in my life these days. It just seems that between my family (daughter, son-in-law, granddaughters) and myself, we’ve all been living in Murphy’s Law in the past four and a half years since my husband passed away. Since losing my husband, very often, I’ve felt helpless and hopeless, and with all the people living in my house and all the different personalities – I’m trying to make things work for everyone, and I have to tell you….it’s not been easy. I have to say, though, we do our best to live in a positive environment, and we manage to handle most of the trials and tribulations we’re handed. Goodness gracious, though, I’m done with the tests of strength and resilience that I’ve been given ….when will we ever get a break?

Friends and good fortune

Shelli posted her review of The Nothing Girl in my Blogging Bootcamp group on Facebook. I read her review and commented on her blog. “Where do I get a golden horse of my own?”, I asked. Before I knew it – Shelli had graciously gifted me the book (Kindle version). I was thrilled. See – something good DID happen!

I totally enjoyed reading the book. But while reading it, I kept looking in the corner of my room desperately trying to conjure up my own imaginary friend. Sigh – nothing.

I’m so ready for someone/something to guide me in the right direction. Oh, I’ve got the widowhood thing down – it’s the rest of my life that’s an issue. Financially speaking, I should be in better shape than I am.

I have…

Perhaps I already have my golden horse but I can’t see it because I’m clouding my vision with all my worries. I have:

  • Family who loves me – and whom I love back
  • Friends who love me – love them back too
  • Health (So far, anyway)
  • A roof over my head (Struggling to keep it there, but for now it’s there)
  • My truck to get me where I need to go
  • Food in the fridge (Most times. Sometimes I have to admit the fridge and cupboards are quite bare)
  • God in my life – We have our conversations daily, and deep down I know he’s my golden horse, but he’s so busy these days, I have to wonder if he’s forgotten about me (Don’t judge me — I betcha you’ve felt that way once or twice yourself)

Thanks, Shelli, for gifting me the book. It reminded me that I have control of my own life. It’s up to ME to make the right decisions – and even if they turn out to be the wrong decisions I should learn from them and move forward. I also can’t allow others to influence me wrongly. I must stick to my values and convictions. AND, I have to stick up for myself. Speak up when I’ve been wronged (and when I see others being wronged), and not allow people to walk all over me (Yup, I allow that to happen – no more, though). I have to believe that I AM MORE THAN ENOUGH – and believe in myself.

What about you? Have you ever wished for your own golden horse? Why did you feel you needed one?  I invite you to share your story in the comment box below.

Eydie 🙂


7 thoughts on “Searching For My Mystical Golden Horse

  1. Shelli Proffitt Howells

    Life can be so hard. I wish there were more magical horses to go around. I am so glad you enjoyed the book. Hang in there, my friend, and I will keep you in my prayers. Hugs.

    1. Eydie Stumpf Post author

      Thanks, Shelli. We all have our crosses to bear. You, my friend, have your own…and I’m proud of you for your strength and perseverance. YOU are always in my prayers.

  2. Sandy KS

    There has been times when I felt like I needed a golden horse, where I felt like the whole world was against. having someone there regardless of what I done or said would of been a big help in me figuring out if I needed to change me or the people i was hanging around.

    1. Eydie Stumpf Post author

      I know that feeling, Sandy. Over the years, I’ve had to make some changes within myself. I saw myself being too opinionated, too assertive , too controlling, and a few other things. On the flip side – I was hanging around people who were passive and simply allowed life to pass them by. Someone had to be the leader of the pack. Once I moved into the world of entrepreneurship – I met others who were more like me — and found that I wasn’t too opinionated, assertive and controlling. All along, it was my perception of myself based on those I hung around with. As I get older, I find that you shouldn’t change to ‘fit in’…but find the place that ‘fits you’.

  3. salmadinani

    I’m not really sure about my golden horse but it’s definitely something to think about.

  4. Jenn Alex Brockman

    I saw a “should” in your post and as a coach, I know that “should” can be pretty harmful. Maybe you don’t need a magical horse, but a coach of your own?

    1. Eydie Stumpf Post author

      You’re right, Jenn — good catch. Thanks for the observation. I appreciate you pointing it out.


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